He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
