I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
