I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
