they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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