i think i have herpe
just one?
is wine microwaveable?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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