Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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