Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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