I only kidnapped one of them. chill
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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