do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
