I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
