I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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