and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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