IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
MIDGETS
????
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
