Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
