Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
