this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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