The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
