My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
