i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
