Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Less talking, more tequila
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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