My liver just broke up with me...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
