Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
