there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
