How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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