Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
