I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
