In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
