saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
