Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
