he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
