Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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