Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize