He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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