I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
