She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
