More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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