PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
