This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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