Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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