my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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