just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
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