dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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