After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
