we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
