i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
