too bad you live with your parents still
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
