In the future we'll all be gay
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
