worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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