we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
