I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
