Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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