well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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