Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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