May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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