Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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