I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
