They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
