so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
