my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
