If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
