This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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