Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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