Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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