I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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