please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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