Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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