I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have fence marks all over my body
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
